The living dead.

 Recently, I've been thinking a lot about death. NO, not  committing suicide or kill myself, but about what am I leaving when I am done here. 

Like If I vanished or disappeared , how would people react? How would they remember me? And when I die, how long would it take until someone say my name for the last time?

The answers depends on my picture in people's minds, how they see me and what they think about me. And that's a part of the problem. I don't have any clue about what people think of me. But from what I see and hear day after day, people don't seem to love me. I am not saying I am hated, just disliked or Just not loved.

The thing is, I don't why. I don't even know why I think like this. A "friend" of mine already thinks that this " I am hated " Idea is  ridiculous and childish. But if it isn't true, why do I feel such things?

Yes, I do want to become famous. I do want to become popular and loved by everybody. But what I want the most, is to be REMEMBERED dead and alive. But we just don't always get what we want do we?

 Currently, I am not happy. And I'm not sad either. I'm neither optimistic nor  pessimistic. I'm just .... nothing. Totally numb.

I even lost track of time. Seriously. It feels like I am not alive anymore. Don't ask me why or how, it's just every thing that happens, feels like it have never happened. I have a trouble recalling a thing that even happened five minutes ago.

 In the past few days, I concluded that my mind had become addicted to depression, sadness, negativity,  anxiety and even to the thought that I might actually have psychological issue.

I finished reading my current favorite book last week, The Da Vinci Code. As I said earlier, it is one hell out of a book written by a genius. Now , I have officially read 4 books in 2014 and a total of 8 from 2012 till now. It is an achievement you know, I was a person who never liked reading but now I am an addict. I am proud.

I don't hate people. And most  definitely I do not hate myself. Hopefully, when I read this in the future, I will laugh really hard that my eyes will pop out.

Song: Leave out all the rest- linkin Park (the most amazing song in history!)

See ya 

Izz

21/MAR/2014

9:23 pm

P.S : This was written after "Friends". Just so you know.