A Girl

Why doesn’t everything good last forever?

I mean, I just recently heard that Laila is moving to another university. Already? I mean, c’mon! There are still a lot of things we haven’t done!  A hundred arguments yet to be initiated, Countless ways of teasing you that I haven’t got the chance to use, many topics to talk about, and perhaps, a few or more confessions to make.

I met “Laila” a few months ago but I’ve noticed her earlier on the internet. She is interesting. How interesting? Well, first she is smart, not a nerd but smart. She is bit twisted, not so much that makes her a psychopath but enough to get my attention. Only a smurf would consider her tall and it pisses her off when someone’s making fun of her height.  She is cute, not Avril Lavigne cute but in her own way.

Our relationship sat off quite well. First she was extremely nice to me. Like I remember that time when i posted on Facebook that I have no special talents. She immediately commented with very supportive words, a gesture that I admired. We used to talk for hours and hours and I really liked that. We were soon good friends in real life too.

Yet, good things don’t seem to last an eternity. Everything changed suddenly. We didn’t talk at all. We merely ignored each other entirely. Yet every now and then, she would do something to tease me off and I’d do the same, which seemed quite exciting at the time.

We are a lot alike. What I know is that I really liked her. Yes , past tense . Because whatever she was trying to do, what she did made my feelings diminish until they have vanished. On the other hand, she did inspire me to rise to the next level , and for that I give her my thanks.

 I believe she did a great job grabbing my attention and I was certainly attached. Perhaps I still am. Maybe that’s why when I heard she’s moving I was shocked and a bit sad. Yet that’s life. Things come and go. I enjoyed almost every moment around her. I enjoyed every part of our tiny journey even when I didn’t seem like it.

To Laila, If you haven’t known already,   I really liked you, in fact I still kind of do while I’m typing this. And as much as I believe that you owe me an apology, I think I owe you one. I’m sorry.  I really hope that our paths cross again. But if they don’t, just know that it was good while it lasted.

Best of Luck

Izz

25-4

This is weird, I’ve got to admit. Everything’s been so weird recently. I haven’t been feeling really good about myself, it seems that something is missing but I have no grasp on what that could be.

Why shouldn’t I feel like that? I’ve changed dramatically from last year. I barely even recognize myself anymore. Now that I study medicine I hardly have any free time to do the things I used to do. It’s been ages since I last hung out with friends not just because I don’t have as many as I had before but also because “I can’t. I have to study.”

I barely read as well. The last thing I read was so long ago that I can’t precisely remember when. I’m away from my family because I don’t see them adequately since I moved to Irbid, and even when I go home for the weekend I don’t spend so much time with them because ,again, “I have to study”.

I don’t do any sports. I don’t watch TV anymore. And I only watch a movie every couple of months or so. I loathe this, seriously! It’s like everything that used to resemble me has vanished.

Even my attitude has changed. But unlike everything else, I don’t think that was as dramatic.

To be fair, medicine has its perks. I can’t picture myself studying anything else (other than astrophysics, of course.) it’s tough but somehow exquisite. It requires endless hours of studying and consumes the majority of your mental capacity yet it has its own unique taste.

I’m not being paradoxical, I really like medicine. It’s just that I really wish I could do everything at once. Why can’t I study and get really good marks while still being able to read, have fun and meet new people? Why can’t I do everything that I longed to do ever since I was a child and still graduate as a fine doctor?

I really want to continue on doing this but I don’t want to be absorbed by this so much that I forget the person I was. The man I really am. I want to be myself.

This isn’t a diary, I suppose, but merely a place to pour some of the thoughts lurking in that big skull of mine.

Competition

I feel it’s been years since I’ve last written something. It feels a bit strange now, why would I write all what I have in mind and share it? Why wouldn’t I??

I absolutely have no idea what I have written the last time and when precisely was that. So here are some updates: I am a Med Student now, almost finished the first semester. And I’ve got to say, it really is exhausting for the mind and the body, and I haven’t even started yet! I got my first F which was in chemistry. I’m less active socially, mainly because I don’t have time to hang out and enjoy my life much. It might seems bad (and I guess it might be) but there’s still a bright side for all of this. I’ve met a lot of smart and intelligent people and I’ve made some really good friends, so that might compensate for some of the trouble.

Aside from University, I haven’t been doing much. I joined a students’ organization called AIESIC (Still not sure about the spelling though). I’ve attended some meetings but still haven’t had the opportunity to actually “do” something. This organization is all about world peace and fulfillment of the human kind’s potential. Its people are amazing.

I’ve lost nearly all contact with my friends from outside of the University, even those who I dared to address as my “Best friends” (who have become 2 now).

A question that has been lurking inside of my head for a while, Should I consider myself my only competition? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I am an egocentric who thinks he’s better than everybody, but rather because I’ve been trying to compete with so many people and it’s not helpful at all. In the past, I’d always ignored what others have achieved and never actually had been jealous from anyone about anything, and to be honest, it fruited pretty well. I know I’m not the only person alive and I know that I should look at what people achieve nowadays to know where I actually stand in the ladder of evolution and to get motivated. Or shouldn’t I? Should I stop caring about other’s completely and never ever compare myself to anyone?  Maybe. Who knows? Do you?

1-25-2015