Purpose

Here I am. 19 years old soon to be 20. Saying that we begin to fully observe the world around us and conceive meaningful thoughts about ourselves and environment about the age of 6 , and our consciousness develops at the same age approximately, that leaves me with 13-14 years to figure out what the purpose of my existence is. 13 years and I don't have the slightest grasp .

How should I know anyway? I mean, ever since I was young I've been told by people all sorts of things, "We were created to worship god." "We are just here to rebuild god's land." to me , I never quite understood what that meant. My whole existence is revolving around worshiping a god that doesn't even need me? But there are billions of us! this can't be my only purpose. 

Perhaps I was destined to become a doctor , since I  am already a med student , so that I can help many people in the future and save as many as lives as possible. Well that's pretty noble. But is that it? Just that? It can't be. It has to be something different. something special. After all, I am special. Or am I? 

I frankly don't know. I can't even make up my mind concerning this life-consuming conundrum . Is the purpose of life to live happily ever after or to give the world something, like Einstien, Newton and all those great minds, so that my name shall never be forgotten? Is it fame? Dignity and Goodness? Happiness? But if I choose happiness, wouldn't that be so Narcissistic of me? Does it really matter to benefit the public ? To change the world? To have your name carved into the eternal stone of time for all the achievements you've made? 

Perhaps it's all. Perhaps it's none. Everyone looks at it from a different angle and no two shall agree on the same answer. But what's my answer ? How do I even begin to construct one? 

Wait, Should we even try to draw our lives upon a purpose in the first place? Can't we just be? Live aimless until our last exhale? That's what most people are doing. All the special throughout history seemed to have a purpose. I know that I'm not a "most people" and that I am very special. That's why I'll seek until I find. But I fear that someday I will come to realize that you create your own goal, and fail to determine mine. Isn't that what's already happening ?

" If you can't get be what you want, you learn to be the things you're not."  - Passenger